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May we all find such truth. "Writing on the Internet was a life-saver for me. On the Web, my real voice found expression." - Roger #Ebert
The only thing better than being high on life is comatose on Ambien.
I was lucky enough to marry the love of my life and everyone should have that right. #MarriageEquality
Everything I know about life I learned from Spencer Gifts key chains.
My existential crisis is that Twitter is the best distraction life has to offer.
Mercury must've been in retrograde my entire life. And by Mercury, I mean my Mom. And by retrograde, I mean 30 years of crushing my dreams.
Life would be so much simpler if people came with video game ratings. Meet John, rated I for Immature or Tiffany, rated E for Everyone.
The blooper reel of my life is a continuous loop of me lying in bed texting, dropping my iPhone on my face.
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