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I hate when I start reading Twitter and end up on an episode of 'Hoarders' three years later.
All my knowledge on any given topic is just a bunch of random assumptions I make from your Twitter jokes.
If one more chick says she's starting her 'Spring cleanse,' I swear I'm gonna do nothing but passive aggressively gripe about it on Twitter.
It's Twitter's 7th birthday, which is fitting, because most people on here act like 7-year-olds, you big doodie heads!!
My existential crisis is that Twitter is the best distraction life has to offer.
Sincere tweet: Thank you, Twitter, for helping me kick that nasty habit of reading books. 4 years illiterate today.
"Old news, over it, look who's pregnant again, saw that link on Twitter YESTERDAY." - me, scrolling through my Facebook timeline
Ugh. Not one person on this Paramount Lot recognizes me from Twitter.
When I downloaded the latest version of Twitter, I lost all my drafts, now here I am just tweeting trivial shit like the rest of you.
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