Adam Fogle

The Klondike Comedy Showcase is like a golf tournament. In order to make the leaderboard, you have to be subpar. #KCS

How can you be a fan of the Washington Wizards? Not a single one of them has Dumbledore's beard. #KCS

I stopped gambling on basketball games after I lost my entire life's savings betting on the Monstars in Space Jam. #KCS

How dare the umpire not change his call! Didn't hear me yelling about how wrong he was way down the third-base line? #KCS

Four score and seven years ago our fathers first logged in to AOL. #KCS

The worst part of living to 100 would be the last 35 years, hearing "you've got mail" and "goodbye" every single day. #KCS

How about quit posting stupid videos on the internet, everybody.

Posted a picture of my salad on the internet. I am the 99%!

Dating was a lot different before the internet. Back then, you met people the hard way: By printing out your profile and faxing it around.

THE INTERNET IS AN ALLY!!!

THE INTERNET IS ALIVE!!!

THE INTERNET IS A LIE!!!

RT @mrdavehill: My book is OUT TODAY. Join me in making it a bestseller by BUYING IT TODAY and asking your followers to do also: Pls RT

If you're ever trying to hide something in a place no one will look, try the phone book.

FACT: Librarians are banned from helping you check out self-help books.

If you turn to page 63 of the phone book, you'll find that you're out of touch with modern technology.

SPOILER ALERT! All three Hunger Games books end with me throwing them into a bonfire.

RT @markleggett: I looked up "idiot" in the dictionary, but didn't see a picture of you beside it because dictionaries don't have pictures, idiot.

Posted a picture of my salad on the internet. I am the 99%!

I don't mention it on my resume, but I once put a picture of an owl on Pinterest.

I listened to a Coldplay song this morning and now my cat won't even look at me anymore.

Do you know how many songs Taylor Swift just wrote about you? Probably more than you think.

Surprised there aren't more songs about having your heart broken by potato salad.

RT @RobinMcCauley: Sometimes I'm glad I live in a free country and other times I hear a Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

I'm a singer-songwriter. I write all my own cover songs.

It's hard to say for sure, but I'd venture a guess that at least 27 of Taylor Swift's songs are about me dumping her.

Little known fact: Ann Coulter's birth name was Chad.

RT @toddmarrone: I can guess your birth month within six months.

Obama showed his birth certificate to prove he wasn't born in Kenya. Romney should do the same to prove he wasn't born a robot.

Say what you want about the Amish, but at least they don't sit around all day forwarding emails about the president's birth certificate.

It takes a lot of courage to go up to a woman in a bar and ask her name, date of birth, social security number and mother's maiden name.

Which will happen first, the birth of the 7 billionth person or the airing of the 7 billionth presidential debate?