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After a game I like to eat Sour Patch Kids. It's like Gatorade but without the electrolytes.
I don't feel bad asking younger people what their slang means because one day their kids will ask as well.
Naming my kids Up and Adam so I have a reason to say that in the mornings.
RT @Kyle_Lippert: Cleveland: I miss us.
LeBron: It's been years. I've moved on.
Cleveland: But I've changed. Give us another chance. For the kids.
RT @loribuckmajor: If I had to guess how many kids peed in this pool today I'd go with all of them.
Every time you exploit your kids for a funny Vine video Harry Chapin gets royalties for Cat's in the Cradle.
Dear Slenderman, please tell kids to eat their vegetables and do their homework.
Will spank your kids for free. #knewIwasamom #ItTakesAVillage @sixwords #sixwords
I shudder to think about how many dyslexic kids say, "On" to drugs.
You know in The Lion King when they raise Simba and the animals cheer? That's how you should feel about your kids. But on the inside.
Cough syrup has a high alcohol content because sometimes kids just need to take the edge off, you know?
I've got it: pizza-flavored tooth paste! *a group of kids hoists me on their shoulders* *I throw a newsboy cap in the air*
People in big cities don't need to have kids because people in small towns are having enough for them.
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