ohhhlivia

What do you mean there's a hair in your food?!? Eww!!! Oh, wait. No, no, no, that's one of my pubes. I put that there. Bon appetit!

RT @schuzam: I never know if people like me for me or because they want to get close to my hair.

Just fought an Angora rabbit. She said her hair was softer than MINE? I snatched that bitch bald! Well, actually...I shaved that doe bald!!

When I say we'll "groom" one another, what I mean is that you'll brush my hair until your arm falls off while I feed you tacos. (No louse.)

I have long hair. You have a beard. You know, if we were primates, we'd be grooming one another right about now...

RT @Neutrontrilogy: you know when your tongue can't remove spinach stuck between ur teeth & you've to use a hammer to smash them & replace it w/ crocodile teeth

RT @Neutrontrilogy: you know when your tongue can't remove spinach stuck between ur teeth & you've to use a hammer to smash them & replace it w/ crocodile teeth

Finding out your internet boyfriend has other internet girlfriends is awful, but not as awful as learning you have lipstick on your teeth.

RT @Neutrontrilogy: you know when your tongue can't remove spinach stuck between ur teeth & you've to use a hammer to smash them & replace it w/ crocodile teeth

RT @Neutrontrilogy: you know when your tongue can't remove spinach stuck between ur teeth & you've to use a hammer to smash them & replace it w/ crocodile teeth

RT @teacup_giraffe: Don't look into my eyes when you're talking to me! I paid good money for these boobies.

I'm a little taken aback that Jennifer's boobs won an Oscar, but Bradley's eyeballs didn't.

If I go too long without pizza, I'll die. Luckily a necromancer dropped pizza crumbs into my coffin in 2002 or I wouldn't be here today.